readmeifyoucan.

Friday, October 31, 200810:48 PM

I got this from a friend's profile and thought how selfish life can be. And true-ness, life can be just perfectly unfair.
So, i'm sharing it with you guys.

We cannot all do great things.
But we can do small things with great love.
So love the people who treat you right,
forget about the ones who don't,
and believe that everything happens for a reason.
If you get a chance, take it.
If it changes your life, let it.
Nobody said that it'd be easy,
they just promised it would be worth it.
Eventually feels a lot better than actually.
Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass.
And when the dam bursts, all you can do is swim.
The world of pretend is a cage , not a cocoon.
We can only lie to ourselves for so long.
We are tired, we are scared, denying it doesn't change the truth.
Sooner or later we have to put aside our denial and face the world.
Head on, guns blazing. De Nile.
It's not just a river in Egypt, it's a freakin' ocean.
So how do you keep from drowning in it?

Therefore, live life to the fullest. Fuck what others might think or say 'cause it's your life after all.

p/s: Asri, thank you for everything you've done. Pissed me of again & again. I tried pleasing you, but you always turn me down. So, there's a song that goes like this, 'i am sorry. ku tak akan love you lagi.'
that's for you, bebeh. sayonara..~

-I lie. But never a pretender.-

back to the top

A7X concert & Advanced Birthday Party

Sunday, October 26, 20081:23 PM

Let's start with the day i had my first ever crazy concert.

241008
As many rock 'n' roll fans in Singapore knows, A7X was here on this very day. Live at Max Pavilion. The queue was fantastic. I think there were a thousand or so of A7X fans waiting to get in. I met quite a number of people whom i didn't expect to see at this kind of concert. Despite the long wait, the security sucks, by the way,(i kept cursing them) we were all tired and sleepy by the time a local band started the show. It was somehow, boring. The fusion was good, but i just wanted A7X badly. In fact, all the fans are. hahs. They promised to start at 8. But A7X showed up at 9pm. Nevertheless, i was rejuvenated. My energy rose when the lights came off. My heart was pumping very fast, and hard. When i heard the music, i saw Zacky. Then i looked for Shadows. Then i wanted to see Gates so much but he was much afar. I was at the wrong side. -_-
Should have remembered their stage formation. Shit. So anyways, i got hyped up. And there was alot of pushing others around. Like i said, it's my first ever gig. I wasn't aware of such things. But i couldn't care less. I was damn happy. I jumped. I screamed. I sang out loud. I did what i've never done before. The craziness in me was like totalling up and burst open right there. I believe i had so much fun that i had a headache after everything ended. Like some sort of an after-hangover feeling. (macam paham) LOL.
So, yeah. The bestest experience EVER. I'm praying hard they'll keep their promises.
"We'll come back soon!"

251008
An advance birthday party held at home. For all my close friends. I admit i was tired, and my enthusiasm wasn't there. haha. But anyways, i hope all my friends, had fun. It was a simple party but i believe it was pretty much an enjoying one.
Thanks to Hasni who've helped me alot.
Personal thanks to:
Shahila
Kathy
Azima & friend
Al Hafiz (CTH)
My BFFs (Arfas, Yana, Fadhli, Hadri)
Hakim & Eka
Khai
Patchwork Neurology (Miru, Idah, Qader, Zeek, Yat)

Yeah. There were less than 20. I wouldn't dare to make it a big party as it's not my home. Furthermore, it's a small place. So, i hope people who've not been invited would understand. Sorry. (:
Cutting cake ceremony was one kekek part. Hafiz was malu-malu. Feel like smacking his face. The cake was soo delicious that Hafiz, Fas & Had went asking for more. LOL. I couldn't save some for PWN, sadly. Because i thought with the small amount of friends who came, the cake would still be able to put some aside. haha. It was Swensens ice cream cake. What do you expect. LOL. I didn't expect any presents to come along as i just wanted to gather all my friends and have some fun. And.......
The sweetest thing Hadri had ever done. He gave me some $ which i didn't expect to come out from him, especially. I refused to take, but he insist. So, i said thanks alot and tears almost roll down my cheeks when he opened his arms for me. Yes, we hugged. Hadri, who's not so close, was the one who could actually touched my heart, deeply. And.. yeah. I love my BFFs. =D

GFs.

PWN

BFFs: Had, Fadh, Ira, Fas

i missed him. [Al Hafiz & Nursyahirah]

the november babies.

-I saw eyes staring at us while we hugged. But i ignored. Friendship worth much more than the jealousy eyes of someone else's.-

back to the top

to leave or not..

Tuesday, October 21, 200812:10 AM

Birthday's coming VERY soon. And.......
here's my wishlist. :DD

-Nike Hoodies
-Skate Shoes
-iPod Touch
~~-Samsung OMNIA i900~~
-~~Crumpler Sling Bag~~
-~~Adidas Adilette~~

So, take note ok? LOL-ness.

Anyways, things have been very tight and stressful for me lately. Many, many things in mind. To Dear Unknown tagger, not to worry. I'm aware of Khai's status and, we're just friends. Thanks so much for the info. :)
So, things have never been the same between me and beloved friend. But i'm glad to see Yat and him are on talking terms now. Even though i wonder why he's still not talking to me, but, i know things will be fine sooner or later. I'll just let him cool down. As Baby Zeeko said, "We are like family seh. And to see you sitting one corner and him at the other, macam tak best gitu kan. So, just give in la. Talk as per normal."
I wish i could. I seriously WISH i could. I have egos too. And yes, i think i gave in too many times w/o realising it. Still, i love you. And no, i don't wanna lose the band because of this. Trying so so hard to ignore, but i've been a crybaby ever since this happened. Whenever the topic's about you, that is. I'm trying to stay strong, as hard and long as i could. I hope my sanity's still up and good. heh.
I still love you, Miru. And if you're reading this, just stop all these. I can hardly take it anymore. I'm so so lost without you. You're the pillar in my life. So precious and please, don't make me regret with the decision i'm gonna make. don't think wrong, Miru's just too close to me. like a family.

So, i'm glad Baby and Ida had a great time just now. With all the surprises, they look so cute when blowing the candles and cutting the cake.. haha. I'll upload the pictures soon.
And.. i forgot to bring their presents along. -_-

Ok. I think i'm done for tonight. I can't sleep, but i think i'm gonna just lay down and think of what to do...with my life.

-What about now..-

back to the top

depression period.

Tuesday, October 14, 20089:47 PM

141008

4 more days to Baby Zeeko's birthday.
8 more days to Curlie Ida's birthday.
And i've yet to search for their gifts. I thought of getting Zeek one of Miz29's Dickies berms. But afraid he might not like it. As for Ida, i thought of getting her some accessories, but i hardly see her wearing any. So, i'm confused.

Anyways, took half day today. I seriously need to rest my mind. Need to get away from work and stress for awhile. I've been thinking ALOT lately. Things haven't been getting any better between me and dearest friend. I hope we'll be fine by 3rd November 2008. praying hard~
So, i asked mama out. Queenstown that is. I spent more then $100 just for my Nike slippers and Crumpler sling bag. Well of course, look at the brands. You can burn few hundred dollars on those branded stuffs. haha!

Latest news.
Khai text me saying Fadh was mad and jealous about him contacting me. Why? We haven't got a clue. He might be joking, might not too. Before Khai told me this, i text Fadh asking what if Khai wants to befriend me and stuffs. He answered my question with questions. Asking, "Why?? What did he say? He got text you issit?" -_-
I don't know what he meant by that. Khai clearly said, the reason why he didn't tell Fadh about him contacting me, afraid Fadh would think differently. So, it's either Fadh is taking REAL good care of me from Buaya Darats OR... allahualam~
When i told Khai maybe Fadh's afraid of getting his dearest BFF into another heart break or whatsoever, might as well he tell Khai off before anything happens. Which i believe, Fadh should know Khai better by now.
Then Khai replied, saying it's up to me whether i still want to befriend him.
My reply was clear and easy to understand, "I accept you as my friend from the start. I'm not the kinda girl who likes take back her words easily. I will be a close friend if you want me to. Like you, i believe in fate too." (:
Well, what Khai and I know is, Khai & Ira are just friends. And we both, believe in fate. So, if we are meant to be, then we will. I'm not saying that i'm hoping for that.. But i leave it to fate.
So, we are strictly FRIENDS, for now. -_-
what am i saying..~

With all that in mind, i'm sick.
I've eating disorders. Sleeping disorders. Sudden headaches. Diarrhoea.
uhh.. God knows what will happen next.
I haven't been having proper meal. Not that i don't want to. But i just can't bring myself to eat as much as i used to. I seriously think that i've put myself into a tension that can now be undone. It's getting real serious. I've never been through this before. And now that i am, there's no chance of turning back. Slowly going through the rocky stage of life. Hopefully, all's fine soon. 'Cause i don't wanna ignore.

Should i go and rest now?
yes, i think i should~

-My Depression Period.-

back to the top

Raya Outing with Motorola Friends

Sunday, October 12, 200811:56 AM

WOW.
Today i'm feeling sick. I haven't ate anything since last night.
Not that i don't want to, but i just felt sick. Nausea.

So anyways, Yana(Arfas's gf) text me on Friday asking me out for raya outing with Arfas and friends. So, since i had no plans, i joined. Mind you, i slept at 4am that day. Went to JB. heh.
Woke up around 9am, then get myself ready. I seriously didn't have the mood to go for raya outing yesterday. But i don't know why, my heart says just go. So, i took a cab to Woodlands. Gathered at Yana's house. When the rest reached, i saw some unfamiliar faces, but that's usual in raya outings right? hahs.
So there's the driver wearing black too. Khai's the name. Couple for a day, we were. And the friends just can't stop disturbing us. I ignored with a smile, Khai went "she's not my gf!". lols.
But after a few trips, with karaoke-ing here and there, the driver kept teasing me. I thought he was joking, so i just go with the flow. At the end of the day, he asked for my number. -_- hahs.
I noticed he keeps looking at me, and wanting me to smile at him. I got "Batu Lesong" as he said. Which meant, the dimple, on my left cheek.

Fadh and Khai just can't stop fighting. They both wore black. And quarrelled about seats, songs, and the girl who wore black too. hahs. Fadh wanted to sit beside Khai so much, so Yana asked Khai, "you want Fadh or Ira to sit beside you?", he went, "IRA!". Then Fadh went to the front, opened the door and said, "Oh... Mentang-mentang ada Ira, ko nak kerek ngan aku eh..", Khai replied, "alah......masok la masok la. Sebok uh ko". So Fadh went in happily. hahs. Inside the car, came one of my favourite songs on the radio, I'm Yours by Jason Mraz. Hearing that, Fadh went, "Ira. This is for you, bebeh.", Khai quickly changed the channel. When asked by Fadh, he said, "Aku CEMBURU ko tau tak? Dengar lagu ni lagi bagos. Ni lagu favourite dia.." It's a malay rock song, i never knew about. lols. Then Hakim went, "Orang tu dah mabok, dengar lagu ni, lagi mabok dia". These guys are just crazy. And i'm starting to love them. hahs.
Kecoh in the car. The mat rempits were racing through the highway.

The couple for a day. (Ira & Khai)

And guess what? They stayed at my place for 2 hours. Left around 1am. Karaoke session they had.
Kecohrable. I admit, my thoughts about HIM, was deleted in my memory for a while. Still, there's a lot to talk about, things to be settled. So, i'm waiting for him to be "ready".

I can't wait for PWN's raya outing and the rest of my gf's too! hee~

-The very first sight of you, makes my heart beats faster than usual.-

back to the top

To whoever-its-meant-for..

Tuesday, October 07, 200811:07 PM

Forgive me,
I make mistakes. Don't you?
Forgive me,
For saying things that's not meant to be said.
And yes,
People tend to say things that hurt, without thinking. Don't you too?

Speechless i was.
The very first huge fight, we had.
I seek for help every where i could just to make things right.
Yes, dear friend.
I care. I still do.
You're the closest. The one i can't afford to lose.
You should know it by now.

Those things i said, are meaningless. You joke around too.
I love you, like i love the rest.
I can never hate you for doing the stupidest thing.
'Coz that's the only thing that puts a smile on my face.

People say, i gave too much face.
They too, said you're too much.
I simply don't care 'coz you ARE part of my life.
And they know, i need you.

Yes, i'm confused.
You've said things that have long, hurt me. silence, i've been.
Called me a pretender, when i don't even know what i'm pretending.
No, i don't wanna hate you.
Keep in mind that,
You mean the whole world to me.

Please, don't do this.
It's cutting me deep.
I can hardly breathe.
Kill me, if that will satisfy your anger.
I rather die in your hands than suffocate by your assumptions.

-I don't wanna hate you, don't make me. I beg you.-

back to the top

Selamat Hari Raya!

Wednesday, October 01, 200812:07 AM

SELAMAT HARI RAYA, people!!!

To all my friends,
Wishing you Selamat Hari Raya Minal Aidil Walfaizin.
I may have used the wrong words at the wrong time. Hurting people in every way's possible. All i can say, this is the month to clear my sins and seek for forgiveness. Hahs! So, salah dan silap, harap dimaafkan. Love ya'll.

Babe, i know how and what you feel now. I feel you, BADLY. Sorry i can't do much as one of your best friends. But just to remind you, i'm always here and will always try my best to be. Stay strong for the rest of your family.

*wonders what to get for Mama on her birthday.*

-Selamat Hari Raya Maaf Zahir & Batin.-

back to the top