readmeifyoucan.

love myself, love my friends..

Tuesday, June 21, 200510:41 AM

[School Re-Opens]

Let me talk about my best friends & why i feel left out, sometimes..

Noramin(my twin) - Im very close with him.. In fact, we look like a couple when we go out together.. But, i feel left out when he's with his dance members..

Nadiah - A nice n sweet lady.. We can click well.. But we intend to quarrel about small & silly things..

Huda - We were close before.. After the KL trip, i feel as if she's not my friend anymore.. Heard lots of bad stuff about her over there..

Kok Wei - Better.. I'll be a 'Low-Profile' girl in school.. I dont mind.. But sometimes, he's a rock-headed guy..

Lisha aka Azura - I treat her as my best & close friend.. She's a nice girl.. We have almost everything in common.. One thing that makes me feel awkward is, im not as pretty as she is.. You know, when u go out with someone prettier, guys may look at her at one kind and u dont get the attention.. Thats when u get jealous? Even though we havent meet, i believe this relationship of ours, will remain `til the end..

My Close Friends..

Aisha & Rabeah - They are nice, popular & pretty.. With their Arab looks, they can attract anyone in sch.. BUT, they like to criticise other's looks & dressings.. I dont think i like that..

Nana & Mira - They are friendly, pretty & popular too.. But they are like the minah's in sch.. Others might think i get influence by them.. But im not.. Sometimes, they are irritating.. People just think that im one of them when im with them..

Deeyana - I love this girl.. I love her personality, her looks, her moves etc.. I just love her.. But, she's just soo stubborn! Sometimes, i feel as if i dont fit to be her friend..

Sometimes, i feel as if i dont fit to be anyone's friend!

See what i mean..? How can i click to any one of them? G.A.W.D! I dont know what to do..

N now, my one and only..

Johan - I love this guy.. ALOT! But, we havent meet! Im scared.. Its not that i dont have faith in him.. I do.. But sometimes, my instict says, im playing with fire.. I havent even meet this guy & im falling fer him.. Geez! Joe, i hope u feel da same way as me.. I dont wanna lose u.. I trust u.. Please dont betray & hurt me..
Some might say im crazy.. Well, YES I AM! Im crazy fer Joe! I Love Him! I just wish that people can understand what & how i feel..

Suharti - Joe's sister.. Thanks to her, i got to know Joe.. She's a friendly, bubbly n nice girl.. But, she's stubborn.. Sometimes, i feel like telling my problems to her, but.. She just cant help.. She can just be a listening ear.. Whatever it is, i love this girl.. She's just like a `lil sister to me..

-Still figuring out-

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140605

Monday, June 13, 20052:26 PM

[140605]

Waga Soccer Club are leaving for KL tommorrow morning..
I decided not to go at da last minute..
I didnt feel as if im in need..
I'll suffer there instead of having fun..
I dont know why..
Life has been sooo cruel towards me..
What have i ever done wrong to you guys..?
Tell me.. Confront me..
I dont mind.. As long as u guys talk things out..
I cant hold it no longer..
Im tired.. Im weak..
I cant force.. Neither can i fight back..
Im too weak..
Im giving up in life..
I dont know when.. But i'll wait for da time..
Dont waste ur tears for me when im gone..
I'll rest in peace.. *Insyallah*
Just pray..

Dear Joe..
Im missing you badly.. No one will ever know..
How much u mean to me..
Even though ur not here to be with me..
Trust me when i say, every breath i breathe..
Every single day i woke up..
I live for you.. Only you..
If not for you, i would have die..
Die of hatred n disguist by others who really hated me all this while..
I know where im placed in ur heart.. I know..
Im not first.. I may not be ur last..
But, i'll alwayz love you..
I dont care bout what others say now..
Its my life.. I do what i wanna do.. I think what i wanna think..
Thx to the betrayers, im alive..
With my eyes wide open, i can now see da evil inside them..
Joe, no matter what it takes..
Im still here for you..

Thank God, my pak cik n kak ika are coming down..
At least i can take things off my mind for a while..
I need someone to console and talk to me..

-Da fear is no longer within me-

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xtra-tainment

Thursday, June 09, 20051:35 PM

AiDiL & iRa
Xtra-Tainment

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Dinner N Dance

Sunday, June 05, 200512:03 AM

Dinner & Dance 2005

I had a great time..
Except for the time when Aidil & Dian had their duet..
I didnt know why..
Tears went down my cheeks out of a sudden..
Was it because im jealous that the organisers didnt invite me..?
Coz we're Xtra-Tainment after all..
Or was it because im jealous that somehow, there's chemistry between them?
Geez.. This cant be happening..
Amin(my twin), saw it.. He told my mum and the rest who's sitting around the table was looking at me and said, 'Relax gurl.. I know how u feel..'
My mum just smiled when my twin said, 'Ira, dont cry.. Aidil will see.. And your make-up will smudge.. Pls Ira..'
I told him i couldnt take it.. It came suddenly..
Aidil, im not blaming you.. I still love our Xtra-Tainment..
Do we really have to break up..?
I did have crush on him when we were in Stardom`05..
But do i still have those kinda feelings, still...?
A question that has no answer to it..

My Baby's flying off to New Zealand tomorrow..
He'll be having his training there for 3 weeks..
I really hope time passes by quickly..
Im gonna miss him whole damn much!
Sweetz, i still love you no matter what happens..
I know we can get through thick & thins together..
I have faith in you darl..

-Just Me, Acting To Be Normal When No One Knows What Im Going Though-

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life is cruel..

Thursday, June 02, 200511:45 PM

Life Is Cruel Indeed

[020605]
He declared, its over between us..
Why?
Well, its all because of me..
Being too jealous that he just couldnt take it..

Joe, im sorry..
I didnt mean to hurt you baby..
Believe me, i still love you..

Sis Lisha, i really appreciate ur help..
You're a great friend..
And i bet, he still loves you yah..

Saw his nick in msn.. '... joe said: i 'like' Christine...'
That phrase just pissed me off..
I kept quiet, not to hurt him..
I didnt want him to get mad..
Sue's nick.. '... bro joe has a crush on Christine.. Hahaha! - waiting fer his crush to online'
Later on..
Joe's nick.. '..crap lahh.. We're just friends..'
Sue's nick.. '..- finally Christine declared they're just friends..'
I still kept quiet..
My turn.. '..im not worth it.i know...'

He pm-ed me.. Asking whether im ok.. About my nick..
Saying about our 1 mth anniversary, which is coming soon..
I told him, dont worry.. im fine, i hope..
bla bla bla..
He got pissed off and told me he know, its all about his nick..
Explained to me that Christine is his ex..
I was JEALOUS..
He doesnt have to get mad right..? haiz..
Well, perhaps to him Jealousy is not inside his dictionary..
Get this.. I Love Only You, Joe. And that is why im JEALOUS..

He changed his profile in friendster..
It hurt me alot..
I didnt know it will end up just like that when im really lookin forward for our 1 mth anniversary..
I would wanna have him for all my life.. If only you know..
Geez Joe.. If you really love me, you wouldnt have done that..
I was stunned.. But i didnt wanna force..
Joe, if you're reading this..
I still love you no matter what.. I need u still..
Come back sweetz.. Im not blaming you..

-Picking Up Da Broken Pieces Of Me-

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depressed...

Wednesday, June 01, 200511:35 PM

[11.35pm]

Been hearing a song entitled 'Fixing A Broken Heart' repeatedly..

I dont know why.. I feel so depressed and lonely..
He's going off in 4 days time..
And i haven't get the change to meet him yet..
I dont know why im doing this..
Do i love him because he has the looks?
Or do i love him for who he is..?
I dont think im fooling around..
I just wanna make sure.. Coz i've never loved a guy who'll treat me the way he does..
He, who kept me waiting..
Waiting to meet up.. Didnt even talk on the phone..

Is whatever im doin, right?
If No, someone tell me so..
Coz i dont feel right..

Loving him is never a coincidence..
Neither a regret..
I sincerely love him with all my heart..

Joe, if only u understand how i feel..

-Fixing A Broken Heart-

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